I wish that I could say that the entire concept of friends with benefits has run its
course and is dead, but that is only my wish. The friends with benefits concept is
alive and well and is confusing males and females alike. I am not sure how this idea
originated but I know for sure that it is a painful trend. I know this because I see
teens and young adults all week in my practice many of whom are reeling from a
disappointing episode or episodes of friends with benefits.
Here’s the skinny on friends with benefits: Friends who have a history of being just
that cross over the invisible friendship line and get physical. And, then they may do
it again and again. The idea is that there will be no emotional strings attached and
that both individuals are simply getting their sexual needs met. Sounds convenient;
right? No need to get emotionally invested and all is well.
But it’s not that simple. Inevitably one member of the couple (non-couple) is quietly
hoping that this physically intimate relationship will turn into something more. And
that person becomes disenchanted, disappointed, heartbroken and maybe even just
a little bit depressed when they realize that the relationship will not morph into a
couple. Hey, we are not cut off at the neck. When we get involved physically, most of
us feel emotionally connected. So, the next time you find yourself leaning in to
embrace a friend, I would suggest you ask yourself the following questions:
1. Do I want this to turn into a real relationship and not just a physical one?
2. Do I have a major crush on this person sitting/lying next to me?
3. Do I handle rejection well?
If you answered yes to the first 2 questions and no to the third question then
Do NOT remove any of your clothes. Run, don’t walk, to the closest exit. Please
think about this. I hate to see you hurt.
What were your experiences with friends with benefits?